Reflection

As I reflect upon the close of another year, I am reminded once again of that which is important to me. I think how my children have grown and had another birthday already, I think of my wedding anniversary and I think of my parents growing older.

There is so much to cherish in the here and now. And 10 years from now, I want to look back on my life as happy, contented, and full of love. I want to remember and celebrate my victories, and blur out the defeats. I want to remember this feeling. This feeling of being on the cusp on 34, already done with child-bearing. This feeling that I am just now getting into the prime of my life. This feeling that so much is still possible and every day I am molding my children into future adults.

What bits and pieces from their childhood will they remember? What funny little nuance will bring a flood of memories for them? What will they remember most - will it be the love and belonging they felt?

Will my husband remember me complaining that my closets are jam-packed and I wish we had a larger yard or will he remember the way we call him at work just to tell him we love him and appreciate the hot soup waiting for him when he comes in from work? Will he remember nights by the fire and our girls giggling or will he remember me stressed out because the floors need to be mopped and the fridge needs to be cleaned out?

I want to stop. it. all. right. now. I want to stop fretting about how my house looks all the time. I want to play more with my kids, and savor each sweet moment like frosting on a cupcake. I want to invite people over more, floors mopped or not. I want my home to be a refuge, both to those in my family and those we call friends.

I want to live, and laugh, and grow, and be a friend and have friends. Even if that means inviting people over when all I have to eat is pizza or chicken fingers and canned peaches for the kids. Preparing gourmet lunches and dinners is not what it's all about with 2 small children. I want to remind myself that money does not and cannot buy taste or class. I do not want to obsess about losing weight - I just want to eat healthier and do what I know I need to to be my true authentic self. I want to throw caution to the wind and take chances with people. And, being on the cusp of 34, I know that if I don't get the response I desire from people, or hope for, it's OK. I can still put myself out there. Because their reaction isn't as important as my effort. That's the beauty of 34. I want to relish each and every drop of 34, because it is a fantastic age. But most of all, I just want to remember how good my life really is.

Thanks for listening.